| I havent written anything here for over a year and im sure people have stopped checking, but I felt tonight was more than a facebook moment, it was a xanga journal moment.
Ive been hating my break, being alone now and just sleeping, watching tv, working out (some/enough), reading, cleaning. But really, its bcause its all about ME, and ive realized that why i hate it, because I cannot deal with my own selfishness anymore! IT sounds horrible, but its so good to know that God has replaced me in so many ways in my life, and that not pouring, but instead trying to save every last drop of me is the most boring, tiring, hateful thing I can ever do. I know that really I need to find somewhere to pour myself into this next week, and God willing, I will listen and he will provide a task for me.
I more or less read the City of God by Augustine tonight, and I found good things. I was surprised that he felt people were primarily evil, I disagree. But I LOVED that he called empires thievery on a mass scale. One man, when caught for piracy told the emperor, I have one ship so you call me a thief, but you have many ships, so you are called an empire. Are we thieves, probably not, but what if we are an empire... how sad and scary.
I love you God, I hope, not taking your forgiveness for granted, that you will always forgive, I love you, you have given me everything I could ever want and have given me my very life back when I thought it was gone, you were there, and I love you, my life is yours, even when I dont perfectly live it or say it. I love you.... goodnight loving, caring, holy, good, patient, inviting, intelligent, wise, thoughtful, charismatic, energetic, spontaneous, deliberate, omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent God, Yahweh... |
